It was Colonel Mustard, In the Kitchen, With the Lay’s Bag

I apologize for the “Clue” reference in the title.  I couldn’t help myself.  I tried.  Really.  But not very hard.

I was sick last week.  Some how or another I got glutened and I couldn’t figure out how it happened.  I fixed everything I ate at home.  I avoided the snacks and treats at work that were offered to get us through a big project.  Dude, I walked away from a Krispy Kreme doughnut.  Less than an. hour. old.  I was doing everything right, so how did I get sick?  I felt like Sherlock without his Watson, because I was finding no clues.

Then, over the weekend I saw it happen.  My beloved fixed himself a sandwich on regular ol’ gluten filled bread (Which I am OK with him having in the house.  He is normally more careful than I am about keeping me safe and he usually takes his sandwich to lunch.  He has a crazy metabolism and a crazy job so he needs something he can hold in one hand and shove in his face.)  But then, he did it.  He reached right into the potato chip bag with his gluteny hands and grabbed a handful of chips and put them on his plate.

I practically catapulted out of my chair with a screeching “A-HA!”  As soon as I said it, he knew what he had done.  We already have two peanut butter jars and two mayo jars in the house to prevent cross contamination issues.  Now, apparently, we are going to have to have two bags of chips.  Just kidding.  We don’t really eat them that often, so in the future, he’ll just make sure he washes his hands before he touches the bag and he’ll pour out what he wants instead of reaching in the bag.  Now he knows that I’m so sensitive that I can get sick off of just that little bit of gluten.  Heck, now I know how sensitive I am.  The longer I am gluten free, the more sensitive I become when I’m exposed.

I wonder if I can just smell them?

In the meantime, the rest of that bag is off limits to me.  Which is fine.  I am just glad I figured it out, because I was going nuts trying to locate what was making me sick.  Now I know.  And knowing is half the battle.

Ten things to know about me.

Not that you lay awake wondering about me or anything, but I, rather uncharacteristically, feel like sharing.

Let’s make that number 1, shall we?  I really don’t like to talk about myself.  I mean, I get that’s how you get to know people and make friends, but really, I’m good.  I only have 2 or 3 really good stories because I lead a really dull life and I only like to break those out at parties.  I like to be an enigma.  I also like to say the work enigma.  It’s fun.

2.  I obsess.  And I obsess about obsessing.  I try not to.  Really.  I swear.  But. I. Can’t. Help.  It.

3.  I don’t have cable.  I wish I did.  But my fiscal side refuses to believe that it is worth a hundred bucks to watch three channels.  It’s okay though.  That leaves me more time in my schedule to obsess over my obsessions.

4.  I have a problem.  I am a chronic reader.  I read everything.  Books, magazines, shampoo bottles.  This is especially dangerous combined with my natural tendency to get distracted and the new electronic billboards they have now.  I stare at them waiting to read the next ad.  Frankly, it is a miracle I am still alive and my car is unscathed.  And what is up with those billboards anyway?  They remind me of something that comes straight out of a sci-fi movie.  Next thing you know they will be installing cars with microchips that broadcast ads for nearby businesses or something.  If that happens, I want royalties.

5.  I have Crohn’s Disease.  It is decidedly antifun.  Occasionally my immune system freaks out and attacks my gut and makes it impossible for me to eat.   You would think that would make me super model thin, but alas, no.  I am “sturdy”.

6.  I also can’t eat gluten.  Ever.  I miss it.  Who wouldn’t miss the delectable goodness of a Krispy Kreme purchased when the hot sign was on?  If you are not lucky enough to live in a place with a Krispy Kreme, I suggest you move.  There is nothing quite like the transcendental experience of a freshly glazed original doughnut.  If you are gluten intolerant though, I would suggest moving to a city without a Krispy Kreme store.  The hot sign’s neon glow is more powerful than the bat signal yet as lethal as kryptonite.  I need to read less comic books.

7.  I am in search of the perfect gluten free pizza.  Please refer to numbers 2 and 6.

8.  I grow things.  Sometimes in pots.  Please note that I didn’t say I grow pot, but I grow things IN pots.  So that I can move them into my greenhouse and keep them growing over the winter.  I had fresh peppers on my salad last week from my greenhouse.  I am currently also growing some peas.  I need to repot them so they can really get growing so I can have something fresh in the spring when I am longing for the goodness of a summer crop.

9.  I have two cats.  I have a favorite.  I know you aren’t supposed to have favorites, but I do.  It’s okay though, because I’m her favorite, too.  Isn’t it nice how that works out?

10.  I’m afraid of spiders.  And snakes.  And bears, oh my.

Izzy